100%

 Something I’ve always said, but I’ve never known why…….

I start everyone at 100%   it is up to them.. whether they go up or down…..

I had a deeper understanding of this today in my scripture study. 

In Mosiah chapters 25-28     I had a deeper understanding of my saying.

Then, in Luke 23: 34 =       then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do

I see it from both sides…of my saying..

When my mind was corrupt,

I knew the things I was doing were wrong

 but I was so addicted. 

I didn’t know how bad they were.

 and the crazy part …….

is 

when people read this,  

 you’re gonna think 

Oh, it was the drugs or it was this……

….………

But it’s not that deep….

…………..

I had times when I was watching a movie

And I had to go to the bathroom…

What did I do?

Well, I held onto my needing to go to the bathroom 

as long as I could. 

So I could finish the movie….

I’m sure everybody does this or has done it…

But why are we so focused on listening to the world and it’s views ?

Rather than to our own bodies

Same thing with hunger… 

I’ve been hungry for hours upon hours, because 

I was so addicted to something else, 

that I did not want to feed myself.

I thought I wanted to watch 

whatever I was seeing

I thought the activity I was  doing 

was more important than feeding my body.

I was doing dumb things

 rather than listening to my own body.

…………

This Amazing body that God gave me…

…………

I was saying…

I don’t need to feed this body with food or with water..

I was saying, I would rather have the worldly influence, 

and the worldly nutrients…

Rather than caring for my own body….

The thing that keeps me going….is my body 

……

The more world I brought in 

The more empty I was becoming

 it didn’t fill me….up

Rather, it just pushed me away..  

from the things that I needed most…

me not listening to my body

That’s when my body started to take a downhill turn fast.

 I could not see what I was doing to myself,

 I didn’t have the eyesight, 

I didn’t have the knowledge

To understand….

And I had to learn the hard way…..

on my own….

But there were other people in my life,

 who told me ….

 the things I was doing wrong,,,

And I was so hard hearted

 I didn’t have the ears to hear,

I didn’t have the clear mind 

I needed to ……

hear them…..

that I needed to change… 

I did not want anything to do with them…  

These were my thoughts……..

…………..

How dare they judge me?

They don’t know me !

They don’t know what I’ve been through…..

They don’t know my life !

They are only seeing me now for what I am !

For what I am doing

How dare they judge me….

………..

It was always anger focused

Because my mind was in a dark spot

I always thought 

they were judging me.

Not my actions,

……………………..

But Jesus said something very powerful…..

“Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”

…………………………

I lived a long time  

not taking care of my body, 

I was so blinded by the world.

I couldn’t see what I was doing.

I couldn’t understand!     

Why was  I getting so miserable..

Sure, during the daytime it seemed

 like everything was great

But at night my mind was Screaming…….

This is how I felt….

………………………….

Sometimes I feel bright as a light

Laughing in the day

 Screaming at night

Looking for happiness,

 Only finding fear

Each day I find out 

 I see me in a mirror.

………………………….

I was in a dark place, 

not just in person, 

but in my mind, 

in my thoughts, 

and in my actions…. 

But I did not see this…

because I was in it..

 it was just my every day life…

Something I allowed in….

Something at first, 

I thought

 ….

would make me happy……

But all It did was made me scream in my mind. 

Why why why…

All I was doing was searching for something that might make me happy….

Yet everything….

   I did

 brought more and more sorrow…..

And I had to look at myself 

every day,,,,

Seeing how much more miserable I was..

each day getting worse 

Then yesterday…..

I wasn’t gaining a smile

I was gaining a grumpy looking miserable face,

All from the things that I brought in my life…

……..

But I had an amazing couple 

come into my life….

And help me see again…..

These two senior missionaries…

Brought me back 

And helped……..

 me see what I was doing.

Not through yelling, 

not through pointing out all my problems,

Because I already knew them !

 they didn’t need to point them out to me….

…….

No, they did it with love,

When they said 

they would do some thing……

 like “I will be there at 1 o’clock”

They were here

 when they said they would be…

They didn’t just forget about me….

like everyone else did….

They didn’t put me in the background….

When they said they would be there, 

they were…

And if they were not gonna make it.

They called me at least a half an hour before….

To let me know,

 I was important enough to them….

To let me know they weren’t gonna be there 

or they were gonna be late

This was the first time…

 someone made time for me…

This gave me hope….

Not to just yell at me….

Not just to point out all my problems…

To Me….

But to help me…..

Change through love..

They knew everything I did…

..

But I know 

They did not care about my past

 because they knew……

It wasn’t me.

……………

These senior missionaries had a hope

 or 

a vision 

or 

An understanding of who I could become…

And they had so much desire 

 in them 

they went after it..

To prove to me 

who I could become…

…………..

They see things in me.

that I don’t see.

………

But I’m beginning to..

………

Because I’ve hid them for so long

………..

I am so grateful for the loving way  

They taught me 

And for bringing me back !

To God……

They didn’t do it through yelling 

or 

through pointing out my problems.

……………

All they had to do

Is show me love.

Not once…did they bring up what I’ve done.

Not once ……did I see judgment in their eyes.

………

I know they love me.

 And I am so grateful

For my Sister and my Brother who came

……

I believe this was their a prayer……

“ Father in Heaven…  forgive David, for he knows not what he is doing, all he has done,  he saw the world and was looking for happiness..he just followed the wrong crowd…..”

……

 I believe they said this within their hearts,

What can we do

to help him change?…

And I know the answer they got, 

to help me…..

All it was……

………………..

Love him.

And listen.

Don’t interrupt.

Just listen.

………………..

My Senior missionaries,

Sister and Brother B.   

 Just by doing these three 

simple things

…….

Love, listen, and don’t interrupt..

……..

By these missionaries……

 doing this for me..

That’s when my heart began to change

Began to soften…..

I am so grateful that they did not judge me 

like everybody else.

They had so much love in their hearts.

They could see past all the world upon me.

I KNOW they Do love me

as someone in their Family.

……….

Just that one act of ..

no judgment whatsoever !

………….

 They saw me at 100%

Not in my current state of being…..

but of what I could become !!

In my Future.

This is what they saw 

When looking at me…

………….

That is what changed my heart.

…………..

That was the beginning….

Of my path back to God…

Thank you Sister and Brother Bushnell

 I    L o v e    y o u !

::David::

5-28-24