Deep thoughts - sorrow to service

Good morning

I’ve had a lot of thoughts on my mind this morning 

I was reading the pathway to perfection,  by Thomas s. Monson 

one of my dear brothers in the ward gave this book to me …through inspiration. 

For my Baptism…I know it was through inspiration!

 as I was reading it, 

I began to think about my Savior and then I began to think about me 

and I started to notice. 

We have a lot of things that are similar,

 but I will never be as good as Him ever.

I hope I can be. 

I hope 

I can walk by His side,

 holding His Hand

but that’s not the comparison I have with Him, 

my comparison is opposite of the good part…….

 all my life I have had…….

the man of sorrows part 

In my life, 

 I have never felt like I belong here…….

 here in this world…….

 I always felt alone… 

I felt like nobody wanted to hear what I had to say……. 

 I felt like it was me just in the corner, watching everyone’s life go by…….

 I always felt like everyone was more important than me…….

I always felt like the outcast…….

 I always felt like I didn’t belong…….

I felt like nobody talked when I came in the room…….

  I felt like I was always by myself…….

 I had to reach out to somebody…

 because nobody was there for me.

That is when I began to talk to God !

 I know He is with us and I look forward to when I get to hear His voice 

because He is the only one I’ve ever had.

 Yes I have people every now and then talk to me or say hello, 

but I felt like I was always on my own. 

It’s a lonely place. 

That’s why I understand the man of sorrows part. 

I just want to tell everyone 

if you feel this way, 

in anyway, 

know that you are not alone !!!

God is with you !!!

He is aware of you !!!

when I pray, 

when I truly, truly pray

 it is not about myself…….

if I can pray to God about other people, 

if I can pray to God seeking ways to bless others, 

if I can pray to God without talking in any way 

 asking for things for me or about me…….

That is when I feel The Holy Ghost…

The strongest 

 if I can pray, 

thanking God for everything around me,

for all the people around me,

for all the amazing blessings He gives me

And then I start looking at other people 

then I can start seeing the way God blesses others

 I start thanking God for all the blessings they are receiving  

And then I start praying for ways to bless other peoples lives 

I start praying for animals 

I start praying for the trees 

I start praying for other things…

other than me…….

…

that is when I most feel Gods Love the most……. 

It Is when I forget about myself…….

 that is when The Holy Ghost is the strongest !!!

it is so powerful…….

  I am so grateful for prayer…

because that’s the only thing !!!

 that has ever got me through life…….

 I could never rely on anyone else. 

It wasn’t possible in my life

but now 

now that I have God in my life,

 He is leading me to amazing people 

that are teaching me of His ways…

 that are teaching me…….

about love and kindness…

 and helping me find those 

who felt the way, 

that I used to when I was without God…

I know that God loves me 

and I know He loves all the people out there !

since my baptism I feel my Heavenly Father’s Love 

every day and I am so grateful for it…

Father in Heaven…

thank you for always being with me throughout all my life…….

When I felt like nobody else was there…….

I know that you were there with me,

 even though I didn’t see it then…….

I see all your Love now 

as I’m looking back.

Heavenly Father,  

I am so grateful for Thy Son Jesus Christ.

 It was because of His perfect example…

 the way that He walked upon the Earth…

 the way that He taught  

all of Thy children, 

through out this world…

 the way that He was selfless…

 that is the path that I must take now…….

 I need to forget about all my past…

 all my problems…….

 that is not me anymore…

 I need to learn to walk with God.

I need to learn how to walk 

like the Savior did

  if the Savior is the perfect example, 

I need to focus more on His life,

I don’t want to think about just His death and His amazing gift…

He gave to all those who follow Him…

We, Through the Atonement

Get to return to our Heavenly Father…

  What did Jesus Christ do? 

During His Life?

Our perfect example…

 Jesus Christ showed us the way,

 He showed us the way…….

 Christ didn’t sit around and live His every day life…

 He could’ve been an amazing Carpenter,

 an amazing Carpenter, 

but He chose to say…

 you know what…….

 I don’t need to work…….

 I don’t need to take this worldly life upon me…

 God will provide

My Heavenly Father will provide…

Jesus did not trust in man. 

He trusted in His Father !!!

all my life for almost 50 years 

I have trusted in man

 and in someway I still am,

I am reliant on them 

and I think I will be for a long time,

 until I can learn how to walk with God…

  I can learn from Jesus, 

I can walk among all my family on earth 

and try to bless them just like Jesus did

I can go among my family

 all the family of the earth

 and just try to bless one person 

with something that I can do…….

Each day

for example, 

if you hand me a shovel,

 I can dig for hours even with my back as bad as it is.

 I might be slow, but I guarantee it will get done…

I love to dig…….

 I don’t know why…

 but this is who I am

hand me a shovel 

and I will be happy for hours

 whether I’m digging in the hardest or softest dirt

 I just dig for hours…

I love a shovel

 I love to dig…….

I don’t know why 

but this is a gift that God gave me 

and I am proud of it 

because it has made me stronger.

 It has helped me come back from my surgeries

I have to do it on my knees

 because I can’t bend down and dig yet, 

but I’m gonna keep trying 

and I’m gonna keep using this gift that God gave me…

to get stronger

 and to help improve other peoples lives. 

I am so grateful for the gifts that God gave me 

not the worldly the gifts  

 But these amazing spiritual gifts

 and I’m going to do everything in my power 

to seek out every gift I have

 and I’m going to apply them 

And hopefully help other people

In someway

 through words or listening 

Or work

In Anyway I can 

so they can have hope

to improve their everyday life.

I know now…

without God I am nothing.

 I know where my life goes.

 If I don’t have God in my life 

I know 

that if I turn away from God 

as I have in my past 

I’m not happy

 I’m angry all the time.

 I’m frustrated

 I’m miserable

  And I have the depths of hell 

all round me

Those feelings return to the feeling of my heart

 And in the feeling of my mind.

 Let me give you an example…….

have you ever been pulled over…….

and you feel that horrible dread come upon you 

in your in heart or your mind or wherever you feel it, 

inside your body…….

let me give you another example,

 Let’s say you go to court

  And you know that you’re guilty. 

You know…….

that you’re guilty 

that dread…….

 that fear…….

 that you have in your heart…

That is what I’m trying to describe…….

 let’s say you lie……

and you know you lied….

and you get caught….

 that fear…….

 that dread…….

that you have in your heart…

That awful feeling of your heart sinking…….

Of Dread coming over you…….

 let me tell you about this horrible…….

horrible feeling…….

 that is hell !!!

 that is just a glimpse  or an inner understanding 

the slightest glimpse

of what HELL will or is going to feel like all the time. 

This is the remorse that I feel

when I think about my Savior 

because of my sins

 because of my decisions

 I chose to bring that feeling that anguish of soul 

on myself  

And 

the AMAZING thing about my Savior Jesus Christ

 is 

JESUS had a perfect life of showing me how and what I need to do 

How To return to Him

 To my Heavenly Father 

and the rest of my family

 Jesus prayed to God saying this about everyone

 by name..

Here is what I think He said for me….

I love you, “David” so much, 

I’m gonna take away all that sorrow

 all that pain 

all that dread 

that is in your heart

 that is in your mind.

I will take David’s sorrow 

David’s pain

 away from him because 

I love him so much

 that is what the Savior did for me.

 That is what the Savior did for you…….

 that is what the Savior did for the whole entire of the world

 and think about that dread 

how much it makes you feel horrible 

and just in that one moment…

 the Savior took upon Himself 

All that dread 

that feeling from you. 

…

 He can take that away from you

…

but Jesus Christ can’t take it away from you

 while you’re in those sins !

 while you’re doing - what you’re doing

 He can NOT…!

read the Scriptures…….!

 

  if you have this feeling of dread within your heart 

within your mind,

figure out what you need to do 

and figure out how 

 to go to Christ

and change

 change for the better

 if you’re doing something wrong and you know it 

look at the opposite of what it can be, 

and change,

 seek Gods help

and change  

I don’t want to see you 

in these depths of hell !

it’s not in a good place

There is much better things  

that you can be doing in your life.

 I’ve felt the deepest darkest Hell

 I think if I would’ve gone one more month,

Living the way I was

 God would’ve said 

you know what David

 enough is enough 

and HE would’ve taken me and sent me to hell

 I was that dark !

I was that miserable !

BUT…

God sent TWO amazing amazing people in my life 

that was Elder and Sister B

I knew that God knew me 

right then and there 

God said…

David I am still giving you breath of life. 

I am still giving you a chance 

to change…….

God, said  

I have faith in you, David, 

and these two missionaries from the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints.

  are going to help you

These are the thoughts that came into my mind…….

 listen to them…

 listen

 don’t interrupt

 listen to everything they have to say…

and I did…..

 I forgot about myself and my problems 

and where I was

 and I heard God to talk to me 

through them

 and the message God sent 

was love

  later that night…….

I felt inspired to go to their house 

and asked for a Priesthood blessing

  That blessing changed my life 

that blessing 

Helped me change

I had to work for it. 

I had to listen to God 

and want to change my life 

not to just remain where I was

 I had to put in the effort

 I got myself into darkness,

 and God 

wanted me…

me to prove to myself, 

and prove to Him,God

that I wanted this 

He said David, (in the Priesthood Blessing ) 

do not sit idle,

 take up my cross 

and go to work

 I Felt like I had to 

because I knew 

I wasn’t gonna live much longer 

where I was. 

What did I have to do? 

How do I have to change?

 I didn’t know, 

I didn’t know 

but God was with me, 

step-by-step 

and He is still with me now !

I don’t want to see anyone ever 

get as dark as I did 

ever…

I don’t want anyone ever to live in that place 

that I was at for 40 years

I lived in hell…….

I always had that feeling with me

That feeling of dread…….

I don’t wanna see anyone end up there ever.

So I am putting forth the effort…….

I am giving myself a calling…

The calling I am giving myself

Is to help people know 

That God Loves them

And I hope I can teach others 

how to come back

To our Heavenly Father…..

 ::David::

5-30-24