Childhood

 I am going back as far back as I can remember of who I  used to be…

when I allowed the world in me, 

one of my first memories ….

a lot of people don’t know this, 

but I have amnesia of 12 and under.

 I got in a really really bad bicycle accident when I was staying with my sister up in California 

the very first memory that I have is being in a bathtub looking up at my sister, 

not knowing who i was,

Or who she was

but she had so much love 

so much passion in her eyes. 

I knew I could trust her

(She was training to be a nurse)

 after I got out of the tub she handed me this drink…. she said drink this…. it’ll help

 it was grapefruit soda, and medicine. 

It tasted so horrible. 

It was so gross , but I trusted her.

 I knew for some unknown reason that this being before me was there to protect me 

this is my very first memory that I have.

 I don’t remember my childhood

when I look at other children 

when I look at other kids playing having fun and enjoying life. 

I truly wish I could recall that year , but I can’t yet

 I can’t

 I know someday I will whether it’s on this earth or not. 

I have a few bits and pieces that pop in my mind every once a while like my second grade teacher I remember his name and I don’t remember names 

I’m horrible with names ..

But for some reason that second grade teacher stands out to me, I know that he loved me and he was there to support me 

Often times I wonder why 

Why, was my childhood taken from me?

 Why do I not remember?

let me tell you how I started out. 

In this life journey.

.

 I was on vacation with my sister three states away from where I lived. 

I don’t remember coming home. 

I don’t remember hardly anything other than that bathtub and a horrible drink 

and her Love….

 I don’t remember hardly anything when I was starting out 

but some of the first memories I had was going to school 

At 12 years old I went to junior high. With me completely innocent completely new to the world. 

My family was not rich..

 they were very poor they were trying to save money so they could take care of their family.

So I didn’t dress very well

I went to school and I didn’t understand what was going on.

 I had to relearn everything I had to learn how to read, I had to write.. and I couldn’t so…I had to learn how to write, and I wasn’t able to sit in the other classes with the other kids, because I wasn’t as smart as they were yet…

 I wasn’t as intelligent as they were yet 

I didn’t have the knowledge that they had

  it was as if I was being thrust down to the lowest class in junior high already in my beginning, 

I was being thrust down.

 I had an amazing teacher. I don’t remember her name, but I can tell you what she looks like, this amazing resource teacher taught me how to read using Ramona the pest…

 that was my first book that I was able to read. 

I was able to learn, even though I was thrust down

God through one of his children 

gave me hope that I could be better…

That I did not feel like an outsider…

 well, the only kids that were in resource class, were those who were pushed out of society

 those that drink 

Those that smoked

We used to call them the skaters, or the stoners …….

pretty much the losers of the world— according to the world

I saw those all around me, they were my teachers. 

I followed after them 

because they were the only ones that accepted me …

Me in such a lonely, 

sad state, 

Always learning, 

everything new learning, 

everything fresh, 

from the world.

everyone around me all my family, all my friends, all my neighbors that I lived around they didn’t know…..

My state of being, I just thought this was normal ….

it was as if nobody cared

 that I had to start fresh and relearn everything…

that I didn’t know.

 I had to relearn. 

I just thought this is the way the world was 

at 12 years old

I learned about the world

 I started drinking 

I started smoking.

 I started having sex at 12

I used to think this is so great look at all the fun that I’m having…

My families over there just doing weird stuff 

It doesn’t even look fun… it just looks dumb, and  boring. 

Why would I wanna do that?

That was my mindset because I learned from the world. 

I used to think the world… was the only way

 because that’s the only way I knew 

I struggled every day trying to fit in 

trying to understand what life was about

 well when you start smoking…drinking and everything else of the world at such a young age you get sucked in quick

 From 12 years old to 19 

I was smoking two packs a day.

 I didn’t wanna hear what anybody else said 

I didn’t care nobody knew who I was for seven years.

 Nobody really asked 

or cared 

or pondered…….

 Oh how is David doing since he’s a new person. 

No, I always felt like I was in the background…

 always feel like i was nothing 

always ……..

Nobody was there for me 

I was on my own learning from the worst of the worst.

from the worst examples of the world 

It was as if I was Pinocchio.

 I truly felt like Pinocchio coming fresh into the world, 

not knowing anything .

.

I saw my Family always together,

 always enjoying their time together…. 

I always thought I was adopted. 

Who is this family?

that they’re all together?

 having fun?

 enjoying life together 

and then there was me ,,,

cast out 

that’s how I’ve always felt…

I have always felt cast out …..

.

The main reason I started this writing….

I was thinking about opposites in all things…..

This morning…..

2 days ago I started the day fresh brand new, 

I GOT BAPTIZED 

like I was being reborn in that bathtub again, 

but this time it was way better, 

I was instantly welcomed to God,

I had all my family, 

all my friends welcoming me into the world,

I was instantly given some medicine. 

And this medicine tasted wonderful 

I never want to forget the way I feel….

the way it tastes…..

The medicine,  is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am being showed a better way to live

 a new opposite…

I am just two days in into my new life…

The man that baptized me..

He held onto me and did not want to let go….

Finally, I had to pat him on the back and say in my mind let me go, 

so I can see my new family

And I have felt so welcome by so many people following Jesus Christ…

They are my examples, 

 they are those that I’m going to learn from

 among many others

My first childhood was dark and lonely and pure misery

This time…. this renewal I get to do it, ……Gods way…..

 the right way"……

I don’t know what’s coming,  but I know this is my first opposite…… in life…

and I am looking forward to the pure light and love 

that I know God has.

I look forward to all the opposites that I have coming. 

I have experienced the darkest of dark.

And I have faith

I truly believe that there is an opposite to all things!

And just from the first day Of my new life

 it erased almost 50 years of the world 

gone in an instant.

God has promised if we follow Him….

there is an opposite and all things.

Good will come into your life

 if you will follow Him….

:David::

5-25-24